Thirsty

"I get very thirsty," she said, "You have to give me water at the end..."

Why did her word hurt so much? Why did her words immediately cause me to cry ( even though I quickly blinked away the tears so she did not notice). Mum was talking about the "end" again, about the moment she dies.

My heart wrenched so painfully, I could have burst out crying in the middle of the pavement. I could have tore at my hair because it hurt so much to hear her speak like this. Can you imagine what it feels like to hear a loved one talk like that...?

She recounted how when dad entered the hospital, he had been so thirsty. Mum clandestinely got him some water, and he gulped down half a small plastic bottle, even though the nurse told her that it's dangerous to give dad water, as he might choke lying down. "But he was thirsty... You get very thirty toward the end..."

I listened in silence, swallowing my emotions, swallowing my tears , as mum continued. "Your auntie's mother had cancer of the lymph gland, and toward the end, the pain was so much she would cower in the corner of the room and sweat cold sweat..."

I imagined the scene, and tried to blink away the image of mum in the corner of the room, groaning in pain, shaking from the uncontrollable torture of physical pain and discomfort...

I swallowed more, and felt my stomach churn from the pent up emotions.

This will pass, I told myself, this feeling will all pass...