I stepped onto the ice. Before me was the river that always looked so vast and formidable. But today, it was frozen and still.
I trudged through the slush. Perhaps it's not the wisest thing to do to stand on the river when the temperature has been hovering above zero Celsius for the past two days. But maybe I'm foolhardy and somehow not afraid. Besides, there were people ice fishing even further out than where I was standing. In the distance, I could hear the rumbling of the rapids, and a thin veil of mist forming on the horizon. Winter makes everything so desolate, so cold, feel so lonely, but there is a certain beauty to be found in all these extremes.
To think, just a few months ago, the day after I returned from a "mission" lasting almost eight months, I sat on this very river bank and sobbed by myself between the bushes. A few months on, so many more tears have been shed, so much distance traveled, so many words, some unkind, spoken... I could not but wonder, as I stood on the surface of the river stared into the distance, whether I am feeling better or worse than before, and how much longer it will be till I can really smile again. "Any day now, any day now..." I must keep reminding myself, just as I reminded myself all those days and nights I spent by mum's side and gritted my teeth to bravely face it all.
A gust of wind blew and disturbed the tranquility and my thoughts. I trudged back to the bank, slipped and fell into the soft cushion of slush and snow.
(I often played this piece of music at home and at the hospital, especially before bedtime. Somehow, the music can send mum to sleep, and in a way, take away her pains...)
I trudged through the slush. Perhaps it's not the wisest thing to do to stand on the river when the temperature has been hovering above zero Celsius for the past two days. But maybe I'm foolhardy and somehow not afraid. Besides, there were people ice fishing even further out than where I was standing. In the distance, I could hear the rumbling of the rapids, and a thin veil of mist forming on the horizon. Winter makes everything so desolate, so cold, feel so lonely, but there is a certain beauty to be found in all these extremes.
To think, just a few months ago, the day after I returned from a "mission" lasting almost eight months, I sat on this very river bank and sobbed by myself between the bushes. A few months on, so many more tears have been shed, so much distance traveled, so many words, some unkind, spoken... I could not but wonder, as I stood on the surface of the river stared into the distance, whether I am feeling better or worse than before, and how much longer it will be till I can really smile again. "Any day now, any day now..." I must keep reminding myself, just as I reminded myself all those days and nights I spent by mum's side and gritted my teeth to bravely face it all.
A gust of wind blew and disturbed the tranquility and my thoughts. I trudged back to the bank, slipped and fell into the soft cushion of slush and snow.
(I often played this piece of music at home and at the hospital, especially before bedtime. Somehow, the music can send mum to sleep, and in a way, take away her pains...)
No comments:
Post a Comment