A year ago

A year ago today, I was on the plane back to Taiwan. A sudden call in the middle of the night. Call from my cousin. Mum was hospitalised. Due for imminent surgery. My heart was racing, my mind was a mess and so disturbed. But outwardly, I maintained a calm that surprised my friends who gathered at my house and accompanied me through several hours of searching for a last minute ticket home and frantic packing.

That was the beginning of the end. The 27th of December. Beginning of several months of staying by my dear mum's side and hoping for her recovery. Surgery, rehab, physio, discharged, cyber knife, vomiting, hospitalisation, growing ever thinner, bypass Surgery, declining appetite... Hospice, and the end, the very end of Operation Eternal Happiness...

That all began a year ago. How much has happened... I am crying at the thoughts, at the painful memories, at the pain and the hopelessness and loneliness I felt those days and nights I spent at the hospital...My god, what have I gone through... Who really knows and understands how I feel, and why I seem to have slowed down and become so numb since last year. It was a difficult year, it has been so tough on my body and my mind.

But I'm still alive. Crying at times, as I'm crying now as I'm typing these words, but it's all over.

Now I can close my eyes and tell myself, it's all over.

It's all over...