Live-in carer

05052012.1917

After the row there was relative calm. After several calls to contacts of my sister-in-law's mother, brother managed to track down a lady who could come by as soon as the next day. We were all relieved, and I think most of all mum and also brother.

I reconciled with him and explained my out-lash at the hospital earlier. "It's not that I'm angry at you. I know it's hard to be suddenly thrown into all this and not know what to do. But you have to try, and you have to show some initiative." Brother did that by making arrangements and securing a new carer to come.

That night I slept next to mum's bed, the same thing I've done since before she went into hospital. It was tense, and I hardly slept, for I was afraid of her condition just after being discharged.

The door bell rang shortly after eight. It was the agent and the new carer. They came in, and I let brother do all the talking. I let him take charge, let him take responsibility, for a large part of the reason to be back is to get him (more) involved in mum's health and condition, to make him feel useful. Whatever happens, he can look back and say, and mum can look back and see, brother was there, brother was part of "journey's end", however lob that end may be.

The new carer is a young Vietnamese lady, not much different in age from me. She married a Taiwanese husband and came to Taiwan three years ago, and has been working as a carer for a while, sometimes at home, sometimes in the hospital. She was quiet at first, but soon opened up, and I began to introduce her to all the essential things surrounding mum's condition, her needs, and what she likes and dislikes.

Immediately, the girl got to work, helping mum up, massaging her and washing her face. It was a promising start, and a bit later I took her around the local area to show her the market(s) and the stores where mum likes to buy her foods and veggies.

I got talking to her and got to know her more over the next few days, exchanging life experiences, talking about cultural similarities
and differences (more the former) between Taiwan and Vietnam. I guess as we are around the same age, it was easy to talk to her and vice versa. I just want to make her feel comfortable and "at home", and hope that if she feels at ease, she will do a good job takin care of mum.

To be honest, I felt a bit uncomfortable being the "employer"-- and I'm ever catching myself seeing images i've seen in the news of mean bosses who abuse their carers or deduct their wages "just because they can". I'm not used to the idea of having someone do things that I used to do, like cooking and cleaning. But I guess I had to start to learn to let go and delegate, especially as the day of my departed ticked closer and closer.