Sinking

I dreamed I was cutting myself, mutilating my own body. There was no pain, just pleasure, seeing my limbs cut off. Blood spewed everywhere, everything dyed red... And I saw myself laughing, laughing! By some twisted logic, the ultimate pleasure is extreme, excruciating pain...

Woke up with such a horrible headache, and for most of the day I felt this sense of indignation and anger inside. Like everything is wrong, nothing is right. I just slept and slept some more...

Am I going complete nutters? Has the world and everything around me gotten too much I'm imagining injuring myself and dying? For some reason of late I've been just stuffing myself with "bad" food... fried stuff, stuff laden with chemicals, stuff I under normal circumstances wouldn't even look at or touch. But somehow the more I see mum vomit, the more I want to make myself sick. That's sick...