Mum used to like to joke that she was "fading like a flame" whenever she was tired or drained of energy. She said it before whenever she did not have anything to eat for a long time... She said it before when she was undergoing chemo, when the chemicals made her so drowsy and weakened that she would just lie there for a day or two...
Now she cannot eat, for whatever she eats her body rejects. Now she lies there, has been lying down almost every day for weeks now. I watch her move her frail arms and hands to do the simplest task, and see them tremble... I watch her walk the shortest distance, and see her walk ever so slowly and wobble... I watch her struggle with pain and discomfort, I watch her suffer, and painfully remember her words "fading like a flame"...
How can you keep a flame burning? With love, with passion, with joy and strokes of her frail, frail bones and body, but only for so long.
How can you rejuvenate the flame to become the fire that once burned so strongly and radiated such motherly strength and warmth? One day, one day, the fire must fade to a flame. And there will be one day when the flame will finally burn out, like a candle in the wind...
"Thank you for everything..." she said to me just now, as she lay down to rest.
Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed
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