I sleep, the only moments when I am relieved from feelings and emotions, when I have refuge from the painful memories of a relationship in tatters and the suffering of my own mother... and yet I am so disturbed by dreams.
Dream of moving into a shared apartment with two girls already living in it...dream of an aquarium filled with frightening sea creatures and critters... Dream of young children playing innocently and making a lot of noise... Dream of engaging in fighting at sea on a small motorcraft... Dream of firing missiles at someone and being so overjoyed seeing the person blow up into bits and pieces of flesh... Dream, dream, dream of so many images, so many people, so many places I cannot even remember anymore when I reluctantly open my eyes to face a brand new day...
I feel the heaviness of this invisible weight on my shoulders, my head is spinning uncontrollably, my eyes so sore and so drained and so unwilling to open...
How has waking up and starting a new day become such a painful torture?
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