Wish

I've had this wish for many years. And for some reason the desire to fulfill this wish is stronger than ever before. Is it this movie I just watched? Or this website I just encountered?




I want to bike around Taiwan.

A distance of around 1000km, which some have done in around 10 days. It seems like a daunting challenge, physical and also mental. And will I be able to do it? I know I do need a challenge now, because the past months, caught between mum's deteriorating condition and the end of the deepest relationship I've ever had,  has caused me to become very down and lethargic. I need a challenge to prove to myself that I can achieve something if I set my hear to it. I need a challenge to prove to myself, and partly also to the world, that I can be active, I can be alive.

For a while now, I've felt so useless and rejected, so lost and aimless. Being here with mum, having to tend to her needs and watching her become so weak and so ill, has also drained the life and enthusiasm for life out of me. If I can do this trip, if I can with my own two legs cycle around the island, overcome steep inclines, rough road conditions, fight against the noise and oppression of road traffic, then I have a reason, I have more reason, to believe that I can do anything.

And I need a reason right now, to live, to continue, to hope and to dream...

I really do. Because frankly, I feel as if I am dying, like I am merely surviving from day to day, looking forward to sleep and escape, and not looking forward to waking up or anything that will take much effort. And this is not me. I know this is not who I am, but I have somehow become like this, or allowed myself to become like this... And I need to prove to myself, and to the world, that this lethargic, exhausted and hidden boy is not the real me. The real me needs to break out from the troubles and burdens life has laden on top of me. The real me needs and can break free!

I need a reason to pick myself again, a reason to be proud of myself, a reason to look back and smile about. A reason to prove to myself I can set myself a challenge and accomplish that challenge.

And what beautiful scenery I will see along the way... what sense of joy I will experience from experience true Formosa at its finest and with the power of my own body!