Disappointment...

I was not amused by my cousin's comments.

Earlier in the day, my cousin told me about seeing so many gay people holding hands on valentines day at Danshui, a romantic place close to the sea that attracts a lot of couples. "I can't stand two guys holding hands," she said. I told her gay people are people too, people who long for love and affection like everyone else. "You know, gay people are everywhere..."

Later that night, I went home, and saw on her facebook that she had written "I cannot accept gay people as friends". In English even. I was really upset.

I've been spending hours tutoring her English, because she's about to take a proficiency test. And she's been spending a lot of time with me because she's facing the breakup of her four year relationship. I've really there to comfort her and help her in any way I can. And yet this is her opinion of gays.

So I confronted her. I asked her out one night and we went to a local bar, the first time I've been in such a place for months. We ordered drinks and I began by saying how unhappy I am about her comments.

"Remember I told you gay people are everywhere?"

It took a little while, but she got the message. "You? You are..." There was surprise and disbelief in her eyes and voice.

"I told you, gay people are everywhere." I explained how hurtful her words were, and she said she just cannot stand to see two guys being intimate. Strangely, two girls is alright because my cousin went to an all girls school.

She wasn't understanding the point. This is the twenty-first century, and she's a medical nurse, how can she openly discriminate gay people like that. I told her about homophobia overseas, anti-gay sentiments and even hate crimes in supposedly progressive societies of America and Europe. Though those extreme forms of discrimination and violence against gays are unheard of here in this country, gays still have a hard time coming out and finding acceptance in society. "You probably have gay friends but you just don't know it," I said.

My cousin took a big gulp of her beer, and ordered another. For moments she was just speechless. "You are gay? Since since when did you know?"

I asked her the same question back. I don't fit at all into that stereotype of the "typical" gay. I'm just the way and the person I am, and I am comfortable being who I am. I have no need to wear fancy clothes or carry branded things around just to prove how much of a fashionista I am. I have no need to be flamboyant and act overly feminine to to prove I am queer and I am here. I have dreams and aspirations, I hurt and I love like everyone else. I am a guy who likes guys "So what? What does that matter? How does that even influence my relationship with you?"

My cousin calmed down a bit and was apologetic about her comments earlier. Yet, the damage has been done, and I am deeply disappointed in my cousin. All the ways I've tried to help her, and even thinking of helping her financially to go travel and to go see me in Canada, and deep down this is the person my cousin is... If there is one thing I am firn on it is if you don't like an important aspect of me and of who I am, then I see very little point of continuing our relationship. I just feel I have more to gain than lose if I do not have such a person in my life... And with everyone I meet I am, for the most part, honest and true. I have no regrets if I am to lose someone because of opinion differences. Perhaps the other will have more to regret, but that is not my concern...

I've explained to her my feelings, and it's up to her to show some initiative in maintaining our relationship.