When that day comes...

"...if you get married in the future," mum said, "I've left [...] in the safety deposit. And there are some gold minted Canadian coins dad left behind. That is also for you too..." For several minutes told me about arrangements she had made. Just in case... when that day comes...

I struggled hard to contain myself. I said very little. I heard mum speak, but I was not really listening. Why is it so difficult, so painful to listen...? If I should get married... when will that day be? Will she be there to see me exchange vows with the person of my dreams, the person of my life, the one true love...?

"I can't be completely equal, but I've tried my best," she said, alluding to the fact that brother has received much more than she feels she is able to give me. He's bought a car, a house, had a big wedding... much of it "sponsored" by savings from our parents. And recently because of the impending birth of his son,  brother also received dad's life savings. It was dad's wish that he would get it and that the fund would go towards the child's "education fund".

"Please, use what little I'm going to leave as your start up capital for when you buy your first home..." She did not sound sad, nor did her voice waver. In fact, she sounded clear minded. Her voice was the voice of a mother who cares so much about her child that she wants to make sure she does everything in her power while she is around for the child to be safe and secure... "Be careful with the money, and remember how thrifty dad was when he was still here..."

I grunted in acknowledgement, because if I had to speak, I would betray the tears.

Deep down, I did not, could not care about the money or how fair it should all it. I should, and I am perhaps too foolish not to care, but if this is causing mum grief and worry, I could really  care less. In her current state of health, in her current stage of life, inheritance or how equal it should be divided, should be the last thing she should be thinking about.

In the end all I could muster were the weak words "Thank you..."





"I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel..."