I cannot conceive, cannot imagine exactly went 'wrong', if anything. Mum spoke to me for over half an hour, telling me her side of the story. How they would cook such meagre portions that she was afraid to eat... how eventually they did not want to cook for her, and on various occasions told her to cook whatever she wants to eat... how, when brother is at work, my sister-in-law avoids mum and hides in her room... how sometimes they would go out in the weekend, and leave mum at home... She told me how on some days she would leave the house and stay out till the evening, coming home only when she had finished eating just to avoid the trouble of who will cook for whom.
Of course, it is all one side of the story. But I can imagine it happening, though I cannot comprehend how it can happen. I cannot comprehend how is it that only on the very last day, when they were taking mum to the airport, did they realise mum's arm is in a constant state of pain? Do they not see her discomfort? Do they not hear her moans if she does not take her six-hourly dosage of pain killers? Do they not care? Or are they just not as caring?
Mum is glad to leave Europe, she said, glad to be back in her own home. This trip made her realise many things, about herself, about my brother and the sister-in-law. And she said, which made me tear, how she appreciates how attentive and caring I was when she was with me... She still remembers how I used to buy so much fresh fruits and organic products and would make sure she eats and eats and eats.
Perhaps I do not know the dynamics of a married couple. And of course I do not know what it feels like to be caught in between your own mother and your wife. Sure, my brother works all day long, and is probably too tired most of the time to spend much time with mum... And to be fair, my sister in law is heavily pregnant, and I can only imagine that she's probably moody and insensitive these days.
...yet, how can mum feel so uncomfortable and disappointed being there? Sure she can be critical, maybe even overbearing at times that after a while it can get on your nerves. But she is our mother, and who knows when or if there will be a next visit...?
I would like to imagine, if one day I were to have a partner and a beautiful little home, I will continue to warmly open my home to my mother and try to make her as comfortable as she can be, just as I have done recently. I would do that all again, and not think it as too much trouble.
Despite all her complaints, mum sounded cheerful, and genuinely happy to be in the comfort of her own home, "without having to look at other people's faces" (meaning, not having to adjust to other people's moods or tempers).
"I'm glad you made it home safely," I said, "Now you can take care of yourself, eat whatever you like, do whatever you want."
And she promised me she will.
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