I just wanted to talk, really, just talk when he called just as I was ready to retire for the night. I just wanted to get my feelings and that sense of emptiness out of me.
But he insisted on coming over, in keeping me company, despite my protests not to. It's pouring rain out there, so heavy I can hardly see the houses across the street. But he insisted.
"You're my best friend!" he said. Best friends, ex-boyfriends, "special" friends... What we are are all these things, and much more. His insistence on seeing me was more than I could receive from anyone, more than i feel i deserve, more than I have ever received from anyone.
Touched, I truly am, yet I am also scared that I am abusing his care, exploiting his care and attention for my own benefit. Whatever we are to one another, he cannot always and forever be there to comfort me, to hug me when i'm feeling down. How far can I take and take without giving back?
And... And I have told myself so many times in the past: be strong, be independent, don't let others into my heart; don't let others make me feel vulnerable. But his care (and dare i say love) defies all that.
I told him I'll be alright, I just need some time alone, just need to sleep on my feelings, and they will go away. But he insisted on either coming over or me going to see him.
So I compromised, I gave into his care and eagerness to make me feel better, cheer me up and to make me feel less lonely.
Is it right?
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