There are moments in life when you suddenly realise things and you break through... Break through the mysteries, the unanswered questions, break through the lies and hiding, break through those lingering feelings and longings.
Perhaps you don't break through completely, but you know you are taking the necessary steps to doing so. However much it hurts, however much your affection is for the comfort and familiarity of being with someone, you must let go. And i feel it, or perhaps I am concubcing myself that I feel that letting go, even though perhaps tonight, tomorrow or the year after I may be so filled and so exhausted by regret and guilt...
I dread to sleep alone tonight... I dread the dreams and the waking thoughts... I dread having to smile and put on a mask to the outside world and say that things are ok whenpeople ask how I'm doing.
But after the break through, it is time to collect yourself, to nurse yourself so that one day when I am ready, I can keep on walking...
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