Everybody hurts
All the things unsaid, all the feelings unexpressed. All the hurt behind smiles, all the tears locked behind the grins.
Why are we torturing ourselves, and one another, over the past, over what cannot be undone, cannot be unsaid? Feelings that stubbornly will not subside... Sense of guilt and responsibility, attachment and that make it all so complicated. Or do we make it all complicated? It is perhaps what we do best.
There was such beauty in our relationship, between my friend and i, there was such seemingly boundless opportunities to grow and develop together... But there too was something beautiful in a parallel love that was just beginning to develop. One bloomed, but one was still in the bud, waiting, ever waiting and ever curious to blossom, sheltered from the elements that would let it all flower. And everything just came crashing, tumbling down. In the end there is nothing. No one has anything. Nothing. Nothing.
No one person is to blame, but no one is wholly clean and innocent. I know I have hurt people, I know I have held back and hurt my friend, turned him away when he wanted me most. And perhaps the confusion, the pain is the punishment, and hence the tears, the incessant flow of tears...
All the things unsaid, all the pain hidden and tightly kept. In the end, everybody hurts, inside.
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