Sights and sounds

I walked into my bedroom in the evening, and made my bed. Messy after the morning I had spent with my friend, and unmade as I left the house in a hurry to meet friends and enjoy the beautiful day. In the room lingered a scent, his scent, and upon closer sniffing of the pillow cover and the duvet, was the smell of his hair, his body.

The past few days we have spent almost constantly together. It was the first time we saw more each other and had most time together for the last two months or so, at least since we broke up in May. We laughed, we joked and poked (fun at) one another, we remembered happy times together, we cherished one another's company. We cycled, trailing behind one another at great speeds, trying to play catch with one another till we come to a stop and pant and high-five one another for the great exhilarating exercise and distance we have just done. We slept together, cuddled and kissed, had beautiful, intimate moments. It all feels so good, and so familiar. It feels like there is nothing wrong, that we are just a happy couple enjoying the warmth and comfort we provide one another.

But we both know, deep down, there is something amiss. Perhaps we are both avoiding the conversation, trying not to let the deep, painful and perhaps difficult conversation ruin the beautiful moments we can create and share with one another.

As much I enjoy his company, at the end of the day, I ask, consciously or subconsciously, willingly or not, how long this can go on. Should I even be asking? Should I not just let things be, let nature and fun run its course? Does it matter what we are, what label we apply to ourselves and our relationship? We both know it is special, strong and filled with the ups and downs that two people being together can have. Perhaps that is enough to know, and it is not necessary to question, analyse and explain. It is ok to be this way... to just be... to wink at one another seductively, to be playful, to be naughty (in different senses of the word), to flirt and to stroke the other person's body softly, gently, caringly... it is ok to be this way.

But is it right?