When I spoke to mum a few days ago, she expressed to me how much she missed home. She was sparing in the details, but I could detect that she was no happy staying with my brother.
Today I called, and it was my brother who picked up the phone. After a bit of small talk, he out of nowhere asked me what was wrong with mum.
I was surprised. How am I supposed to know, especially as I've not seen her or been living with her for the last three weeks or so. My brother said she has been staying in her room, only coming out if necessary, and she stays out of the house, has her meals out, and does not seem to interact much with them.
How disappointed I was to hear that, especially I had hopes that mum could spend some quality time bonding with my brother and my sister-in-law. Yet, somehow relations seem to have soured, and brother does not know why. And I don't know why either, though I can suspect a few reasons why...
Even before going over to Europe, mum had already expressed reservations about staying long with them in their home. Last year, during a visit to my brother's, things completely broke down, because mum felt very unwelcome there. A lot of it comes down to money, and she was made to feel as if her presence was a financial burden on him. I can only suspect that this is perhaps the same issue, the same dead horse that has been revived and is being beaten again this time around.
I told him please just go and see what is wrong, if anything. What is the reason behind her silence? What is the reason for her being out all day and not wanting to be home? Talk to her, I said, open up to her, express your feelings, let her express her feelings and frustrations, if there are indeed any.
"Treasure the moments you have together," I advised him, especially as there are now only two days left till she leaves. "We don't know if she will come visit again," I said. And I think he understood what that meant, or is meant to mean.
I did not manage to speak to mum on this occasion, even though it was only a little past nine in the evening. Brother had no idea what she was doing, only that she was in her room. As soon as I hung up the phone, I wondered to myself how it had come to this. How can mum feel so estranged, so alienated about staying with my brother and my sister-in-law? I know mum can perhaps be a difficult person, and especially after her illness her temper has changed. She has become depressed, perhaps forlorn, and I can imagine perhaps very scared and confused about her condition, about abandonment and dying... Perhaps with brother and his wife, she feels like she has no longer a role to play, for that has been substituted. And perhaps, having spent time with me, and now with brother, she feels or realises that she really does not belong any where, that she cannot go and just live with either of her sons. None of this, if anything of this is really what she is feeling or thinking, is good for her health or state of mind.
These are just what I imagine may be going through her mind... the fears, the disappointments, the realisations of a mother visiting a child who has built up his own home.
I wish I could speak to mum more, in person, and understand what has been troubling her. Of course, there is very little I can do, for I do not fully understand what has made her turn inwards and (as brother put it) hide herself in her room a lot. I just wish that with the two days remaining, she will come out, and interact more with brother and his wife, and that mum can go home with good memories of her time together with them.
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