Crying

I told my brother the latest news, and I could see him on the webcam wiping his tears.

I don't know if I did the right thing telling him, making him sad, making him worry. But he does have a right to know, and now better than.

"We just have to deal with it, accept it, and see what treatment is available..." I said. Maybe those are not the most assuring words. They certainly aren't not words of comfort or consolation. I need consolation myself, and for now, what I said to brother are the only words I can think of.

He wiped him tears some more. It is difficult to see him sad and to see him cry. But I had my chance to talk to him, while mum is out, and it is easier now than if mum were around and watching him cry.

We talked a bit about the wedding, in a way to distract him and make him feel happy. "Mum is really looking forward to the wedding. And she's happy that you're finally settling down. It's one less worry for her," I said. Brother is lucky he has found support and companionship, and whatever happens to mum, at least he'll have another person to take care of him, to love him. Perhaps it is selfish, perhaps it  is being jealous, but who do I really have left, but friends and relatives, whom I value, whom I am grateful to, but at the end of the day, they can give me only so much...

"Please don't be too sad. Please don't worry too much..." I said, just before our conversation ended. But I imagine brother now, tearing and crying like I did when I heard the news a few weeks ago about mum's condition getting worse. I can only imagine that pain, that hurt to hear such devastating news.

Be well, brother... I'm sorry to break the news to you, and I'm sorry to make you so sad...