15 December 2010

Disturbing news....

I read it and immediately started crying again... Crying so intensely for the second time today
 I feel myself breaking, shaking deep down inside... never, never have i ever felt so hurt, so pained, so shaken.

I had heard from mum that she has not been well, but never did I realise it was so bad.

Brother wrote to me, something he rarely does. So it must be serious.
 The cancer had spread to mum's lungs.

Exactly this is what took my dear father away...

I don't know how to deal with this... I really don't.

I can only cry.. cry, cry. But even tears cannot take away those cancer cells...
even my love for her, my deep prayers of her recovery cannot kill those cells...

I wish to speak to her, to comfort her, but I'm in no state to talk to her. She cannot hear my tears, she cannot hear my hurt, my sobs, for it would be even more difficult for her.

And I only want to lighten her load, not pile more on.

I feel sooo powerless and so exhausted.

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