If there one thing I'm uncomfortable, that's disappointing others. Maybe it's because I aim to please, aim to make everyone happy, but at the same time I'm afraid that things will not work out as planned. Then again, what in life ever does work out as planned, especially if everything is always changing, always so uncertain?
When my friend proposed recently to go all the way to Taiwan to go see me, at first I was of course excited. I've been imagining and thinking about all the things I could do and see with him, especially as a trip last year with him had been so wonderfully memorable.
But then reality hits, and away from the daydreaming and imaginations, I have to also think about the fact that around the time of the planned visit, my mum will be undergoing chemo and there is a wedding to be organised (a wedding for which I have been somehow drafted as a wedding planner...). Both are sure to take up a lot of my time and attention...
And if my friend were to visit, I'm not sure if I can guarantee that I can give him all the attention and time he deserves, especially given he will have flown so far and long to be there with me. Perhaps I'll be so stressed by all the things that are going on and become touchy and temperamental, which ruins everything for everyone. All the while, in the back of my mind I'll probably be thinking of whether mum needs me, or whether I'm needed somewhere...
I just don't know what I want... and all I would like is to make everyone happy, but why do I feel frustrated in the process?
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