Parentless

"They left already..." I said. My colleague, with whom I had a work lunch today,did not really understand. 

"They're no longer around..." His faced turned and immediately there was an outpouring of sympathy from him, which almost triggered an overflow of tears from me. Moments like this make me wish I could just reach for the phone and call someone. Call someone and talk to someone who can understand, who is willing to listen and try to understand. Call someone and talk to someone who can accompany me home and not leave till I fall asleep... Of course, this person only exists in my fantasy. 

It's occasions like this that remind me again and again I am parentless. I am not unique in this sense, but to many, especially those who are parents themselves of children my age the fact that both my parents are gone seems to attract sad empathetic frowns and "You are still so young..." or you have gone through so much..."  You cannot, cannot imagine. 

I don't recall how the conversation turned to this, but again this episode today reminded me again this is the way it's going to be for some time. People are going to ask, and I am going to be reminded of the reality that my parents are no longer around. How do I face it? With a grimace... With an awkward laugh perhaps... With some stoic line like "It's alright. It's been a year..."? All the while deep inside I am crying. Crying all over again...