Crying

The tears just fell, and I could not stop them. Could it be all that physical strain and tension after biking over 110km today? Could it be being surrounded by all these people who are making a stand against cancer? Could it be seeing cancer survivors, some very pale looking and with only a few strands of hair on their heads, pedal on so courageously? Or simply, I miss mum... Miss mum and dad, whose picture I am carrying with me on this epic voyage to "conquer cancer" and conquer my own grief and sorrows.

"Every single day

Every word you say

Every game you play

Every night you stay

I'll be watching you

Oh can't you see

You belong to me

How my poor heart aches

With every step you take

Every move you make

Every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you

Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace

I dream at night, I can only see your face

Every move you make

Every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you"

The live band played that song just now. If you have ever lost someone, you will understand the depth of meaning behind the lyrics and truly appreciate the song. 

I'm sitting here alone surrounded by so many people, crying quietly. The song is yet another reminded of all I have lost over the past year. No doubt, people around me have experienced similar and perhaps more devastating losses. But it's a bitter reality that as I am embarking on one of the greatest physical challenges to date, I am all alone here. How I wish I could share my thoughts... How I wish I could share my feelings of pride! How I wish I could share that joy biking through the beautiful countryside at 30+km/hr and temporarily having not a worry in the world! How I wish someone I know could be here as I am crying now...

I am here, in the middle of a challenge. Can they see me now? Will they be proud of me and my little moment of glory? If they could see me now.