Are you happy now?

I don't know when I set myself this reminder. But yesterday, suddenly I saw this email in my inbox. A reminder to myself.

Did I set it last year, a week or so after mum passed away after the several years of struggle with her illness? Did I set myself to remind myself that whatever happens, happiness is not what you are experiencing or facing, but to be found within? 

Am I happy now? 

I'm ok. I'm ok. Not happy, and no longer so terribly sad (though there are moments when reminders and memories  of the people I have lost catch up with me...). Just empty inside, empty because there is such a void that I cannot even begin to describe. 

I am ok. Just ok. Just ok.