Night out

Just sent out with some friends, two of whom are people I met during my studies. I've not seen for a long while. Walked around the night market a bit, had some food and drinks together.

And yet, deep down I feel so detached and distant from everything, from everyone... At one point I was so lost in thought, not really thinking of anything, just lost, my friend waved her hand in front of me before I got back to reality. I found myself just laughing when people were laughing, smiling or pretending to be, because it seemed the right and polite thing to do...

Have I lost the ability to have fun? It was one of two nights I had out since my return (the first was just after new year, with my cousin, who one night craved a hot snacks at close to eleven at night....). I should have just let myself go an enjoyed myself fully. And yet I was so mentally tired and physically longing to be in bed... Mum's condition has really dragged me into a whole new low.

What is wrong with me...?