Diagnosis...

Mum described how she's losing the movement of her fingers, losing the ability to write, the ability to even eat with chopsticks.  I've noticed in the last couple of days how her fingers tremble. How is this possible after the major surgery?

"We need to do another MRI..." The doctor said. As soon as possible. The urgency scared me, and my heart sank.

The doctor could not immediately diagnose what seems to be the problem, but he did mention that it's related to the spinal area that is due to be treated in two days. Could it be that in the three week delay in treating that particular section, the tumour has eaten away more of her bones, eaten into more of mum's nerves? I was dizzy with the thought, shaking and frightened inside just from the possibility.

The consultation was with the new neurosurgeon at the new hospital that she needs to go to for her Cyberknife treatment. As the doctor gives mum lots of confidence and is very approachable, mum took the chance to ask more questions about her condition this morning.  Mum  mentioned to the doctor her inability to sleep these days, and was prescribed some sleeping "aids". The doctor made a distinction between sleeping pills and "aids", which made me wonder whether it was merely a euphemism to mean the same thing. Somehow, perhaps being at the hospital so much and so often, has made me a skeptic... In the end, it's all chemicals, all of it. It's all artificially made and contain steroids that in large quantities  will accumulate in the body and slowly poison you, destroy your liver functions and overburden your kidneys. Mum already is showing signs of swelling in her feet, and her fingers. That's why mum sometimes refuses to take her pills as prescribed, that's why there are bottles and bottles of pills sitting on her shelf still unopened.

"What about throwing up? I've been throwing up for over a week now. Nothing stays in the stomach..." And it shows in how her cheek bones have sunk a bit, and in how mum's weight has dropped even further. What is worrying is that for the new cyberknife treatment, mum needs to take medicine intended to protect her throat and nervous system from radiation damage. Because she's throwing up almost after every meal, it also means the medicine she takes is washing out with everything else. "I'll make an appointment with another doctor, a specialist in digestion, and he will be able to address your concerns..."

Scans, and more appointments planned. Another long, long week ahead.