Thesis report

I opened my email box, the first time in a few days. Among the mails I quickly deleted was one from my supervisor. A congratulatory email, with an attachment marked "report" from my external examiner.

I passed.

Finally. The long-awaited result I have been waiting for. With the situation of my mum, I have not really had time to think of the results much... and to be honest, I did not (have time to even?) dread it. I read it, smiled a little, and was happy that this is all over. Did I expect the results? Did I know deep down that the review would be good, or that my thesis would be described as a "creative contribution to developing international law"? I showed my mum the results, and that made her smile.

Funny thing, over a month ago I sent her a copy of my thesis, and today was the first time she opened it, because she had been hospitalised the entire time since the end of December. When she read what I wrote on the dedications page ("For my dear, brave mother"), she teared and thanked me. Even as  she wiped away her tears with her fingers, I tried hard to contain mine.

She thanked me, but I thanked her. For as I wrote inside:

[...]
Most of all, I would like to express my most heartfelt gratitude to my dear, brave mother, to whom this thesis is dedicated. Despite the difficult and testing hardships she endures, she never stopped offering me her motherly love and encouragements from afar. Her wisdom, forbearance, smiles and kindness inspire me to keep going, push me to be strong no matter what. The completion of this thesis, and this degree, is a life wish of hers, and I am grateful that I am able to fulfill that wish.

Those words are as true when I wrote them as they are today, more than a month later, even after all that has happened, and even after all that she has (we have) gone through. And these words will be true forever, and ever, for my dear, brave mother truly is a source of love, encouragements and support, even from afar, and I am sure, even when she is no longer with me.

The news of my thesis is a welcome respite from the unpleasantness of hospital wards, appointments, scans and the imepending treatment. Again, the thesis is a reminder to my mum of one reason why she wants to push herself, why she is putting herself through yet another treatment, which may or may not work, but will certainly cause her (and us) much discomfort and side-effects. For mum would like to be well, she is pushing herself to get better. For attending my graduation ceremony is an event she says is one reason why she is training hard to get better, to walk again, and to get more treatment. Going to Canada again is one of her "life" wishes (as I call it), and I can only say I am glad I can help, in any small way, to make her realise that wish...