On my way out to the hospital today, I walked passed their bedroom quickly, but it was slow enough to see a beautiful moment. Brother was leaning against my sister-in-law's body, and they hugged one another cozily. I don't think they noticed me admiring that one split moment, for I quickly went as quickly as I came. The baby slept next to them quietly.
That moment, that beautiful moment stayed in my mind for a long time. I am happy for my brother, and I told him repeatedly too, that he has found a lovely wife, and that they are raising a beautiful baby together. What could be more touching ad magical in life to have all that? To have the love, stability and togetherness of family, to have around you the people you care about and love more than anything else in the world?
Deep down, I was reminded again of what I lost... A chance at something as beautiful as that. How much I long for a warm touch, for a kind word, for a deep, loving, intimate hug right now... How I need that, need intimacy and an outlet to clear my mind and to reassure me that I am strong and that I can face the days ahead. How my heart would just melt, and I imagine, how my eyes would just start to water if I had a boy in my life right now to share my pains, to share my laughs and joys.
One day, in attempts to calm my mind, to daydream and distract myself from the reality of hospital sights and sounds, I imagine someone special will be there for me no matter what, and he will not turn away and change his heart so suddenly as the wind changes direction.
Because that's what I give, and I do believe you get back what you give the world.
And how beautiful, how wonderful, that day will be...
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