Visit

Finally after 10 days, my ex-flatmate came by and cleared up her room. She still has four boxes and a suitcase left in there, and she's promised to come back again to clear things away, but at least I can go in there and walk around without having to mind what I'm stepping on!

The room is not quiet free to use yet, and I've not yet let the cat back to her rightful place of abode. The very first thing I did when I got home was to spray the entire room with anti-bug spray- and lots of it! With all sorts of complaints my friend had about bedbugs, and more recently scabies, I can't be too carefully... I'll let the room air for a few days and soon it should be back to being my - and the cat's- space again, for the first time in over 7 months!

And it's about time too. Again, for maybe the fifth time in the past month or so, mum said she's gearing herself to come visit me, something she's been saying for two years already but never had the opportunity to. She says she's been exercising and living healthily to maintain her strength and health so she may come visit soon.

I dare not ask when that soon is, and when she talks about visiting, I am of course overjoyed to have her, for it has been like a dream and goals to have her see how well I've settled down here.

But...but deep down inside there is this horrible fear, horrible negativity and pessimism that something may change between her announcing her intention to come visit, and her actually getting here. So many uncertainties, so many factors depending on her health remaining more or less stable... Somehow, at timed when I am relishing in my relative happiness and freedom here, a dark thought crosses my mind to remind me how fragile all this could be, and how everything could so easily change with the sudden ringing of my phone at anytime, anywhere.

It's dreadful to live in a state of fear and u known...