Waiting at SEA

Another long wait, another plane, another long, long flight. Weighed down by fatigue and racingthoughts, I am on the floor at Seattle Tacoma International as I write this. The day has been a blur, a rush, a frenzy of running around and killing time till this moment. Time to board the plane home to Taipei…

I called mum, but her voice was interrupted, muffled and broken due to the poor internet connection. It was frustrating trying to decipher what she was saying, especially as I wanted to know how she was feeling after having spent the morning at the hospital receiving her latest bout of chemo.

I wish I could be there right now, I wish I could will myself and jump through time and space just to be there right now. To hold her hand, to pat her on her back, and to whisper in her ears that it’ll all be alright—even if it is not.

“Go to sleep already,” mum kept on saying, “It’s already midnight! Why aren’t you in bed?” I did not say much, but deep down inside I thought of how little sleep mattered compared to her own wellbeing. She would no doubt scold me if she knew and how little sleep I’ve realty been getting.

She said she was feeling anxious about going to the hospital again for treatment. The last session caused half of her hair to fall off already, and she said she was worried that her throat would again be full of sores from the chemo. Believing that I am going to be in the US for a couple of days, she asked me to go to the pharmacy to look for a drug that is supposed to prevent throat sores in patients undergoing chemo.

But little did she know, in the frustrating free internet connection that kept on disconnecting while I talked to her, in the background planes were roaring to take off, and in less than an hour, I would be taking off too. Perhaps the poor Skype connection muffled the sounds of the airport terminal. “Take good care of yourself, mum,” I said quietly, “I’ll be there soon.”

Soon, but she had no idea just how soon. Soon, but I only wished it was soon enough.