I know this is all inappropriate to write and feel this way, especially given the seriousness of the last post on my mum's health. But the mind wanders, and the mind wavers in temptation. A serious thought or serious mind can easily be overcome with stronger emotions... emotions that temporarily just blot out the helplessness and uncertainty how one should respond...
Waking up today with the boy who has shown me so much love and care, and towards whom I feel increasingly attached to, I/we felt such intense sexual energies. We made love, and like so often it is so intense, so strong and overwhelming. Even more so now that there is kissing, caressing and emotions involved-- all the elements that for so long have been missing, but he (and even I) have been longing for. So intense, so strong... I cannot describe it but only to say it feels like an intoxinating drug, the supply of which is diminishing due to circumstances...
I woke up and feel no remorse, no hurt... at least at this moment, those negative feelings are not at strong as before. I feel just good will toward my friend, and feel now that things are clearer, we have something (whatever it is) that is strong and solid.
And for that I am grateful.
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