How did I even get into such a big mess?
All I want is to find someone I feel for, someone I can feel comfortable being with, someone with whom it's not just about the physical and sensual lust, someone I can care about deeply as he does me... but there's so many complications, uncertainties, unknowns and what ifs. To be honest, I'm scared, yet still so attracted and deluded by its allure and mysteries.
Maybe I'm not cut out to love, not cut out to receive love, let alone find it...
3 comments:
Hey there! I have been lurking around your blog for quite a while now. And I'm not actually planning to post. Yup, I'm creepy like that. Hehehe. Just kidding.
Actually, the last sentence you wrote compelled me to write a comment.
Now, I haven't fallen in love yet so I don't expect to understand nor would I pretend to understand what love is.
Regardless, when I read your last sentence, something within me stirred. And I felt that "tap" on my heart's strings. Everyone of us always have a chance at love, regardless of who we are and where we came from.
But we must understand that love isn't something to seek for. It is something that comes next to us when we least expect it. And the next thing we know, we are dancing around its dangerous yet pleasurable fire.
Indeed, those that are happy in love are those that didn't seek for it but embrace it when it's front of them.
So just have a little bit of patience and never wallow in despair. Remember, all the water in the world can never sink a ship unless it gets in. That holds true for our heart. The seeds of darkness can never destroy it unless we let it in. Stay strong and be patient. :D
On the other hand, there are those that don't see the need for love. But they are simply those that resolved to be single and are happy with their decisions.
So, relax, there's always time for everything.
If you're single now, do what you can to make the most out of it for when you found someone to love, it will be a different stage of your life. ^_^ While you're still alone, cherish every moment. Live like you're going to die any moment and leave no moment wasted.
Who knows, maybe the next time you went shopping, someone will bump into you when you least expect it.
Face the present now and deal with the future tomorrow. Take it step by step and never ever lose the light within you.
Good day and see you soon! By the way, I really like the depth of some of your writings here. Expect to have a visitor here every week. Or maybe everyday! XD
Hello reychop...
thank you so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot. Yes, it's very easy to wallow in despair and self-pity and loneliness, and I have a tendency to do it. Your advice and words really strike a chord in me, because despite my rants and raves about looking for love and being lonely, I still somehow cling onto hope of finding it (even though, at times I feel so desparate and impatient...)
I hope you too can find that special feeling which drives so many to extremes and to great lenghts. Everyone deserves to be loved, to find love and true happiness. Nothing should stand in the way of that.
Peace and happiness to you :)
I can relate to what you're saying. There are also times when I feel that everything is just so high for me to reach. In that event, I tend to plunge myself in my solitary world. Not really having that much of friends to begin with (around at least 3-5 close friend, to be honest), and the fact that my family isn't really that close, I tend to wallow myself in self-depression caused by loneliness.
But blogging and reading eased up that feeling for me. Sometimes, when everything can be a bit too much, there are times when I turn to fantasizing what it'd be like to have someone for support. But then, I resolved to become independent and that rekindled the dwindling light within me.
That feeling of desperation is normal. It isn't good to keep that bottled up. When we let it run its course, only then can we liberate ourselves from its hold. But we must also learn to balance and to control it from becoming too destructive. In a while, it is good to sit in a corner and shut everything out. That way, we can give ourselves time to heal, to process everything.
Sometimes though, I feel quite guilty. I have such a better life than the rest. I have the mental capacity and the financial support. But often, I found myself craving for more- something different.
I'm grateful for that encouragement of yours though. It kind of "eases up" the tension within me. But I think I'm one of those "destined" to be alone. My clan isn't that accepting of my "preference".
Nevertheless, whether that is correct or not, romance is not yet on my priority list yet. Maybe when it's there, in front of me, after it slapped me on the face, maybe I'll grab and hold on to it. But I guess, it's not yet time. ^^
It's really great having the chance to let that out here. And thank you for listening, even though I really shouldn't blatantly post all that plagued me.
But it was liberating somehow. XD Plus, I get to confront those fears and transform them into constructive and positive thoughts.
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