Restlessness

150214.2233
My mind... It's so restless. Drifting to people and places far, far beyond the walls of this meditation hall... Drifting to moments in the past and imaginations in the future, being anywhere but here and in the now.

I  cannot control this mind, this mind beset by guilt, attachments and longings... This mind that is so wild and free, yet in actual fact so constrained by conditioning and by habit.

I look inward, and I see darkness, I see nothing. I see fear, liking and disliking, I hear dialogue with myself and I see a frightened being wanting to break free from the past and people of the past. I see a meditator trying to overcome physical pain, trying to see through mental creations trying to find that moment of peace and calm.

I am trying.
I am beginning to understand again.

In the end, we are no one. In the end, we are nothing. In the end, all this claim to fame, all this wealth, all these desires we feed and all these hatreds we harbour mean nothing.

Do you want to live life, live the rest of your years, blind and deaf and constantly struggling against yourself and the world, like the vast majority of people?

Or do you want to break free?