Raid

160214.1524

I felt so embarrassed. I called my brother's mother-in-law and said I'm going to visit her. I did want to before I left the country to thank her for hospitality, but in fact I had a "mission" to fulfill and needed to go to her place to "raid" her house in search for items belonging to my late mother. 

I probably made too much of a big deal out of this, especially as she did tell me to take whatever I see at her place. that belonged to mum. And there are plenty of things, from duvets to pillows, from cups to a massage machine, from the formosan hinoki wood barrel (for foot-soaking) to wooden furniture and decorations that used to hang on mum's walls to fridge magnets that I bought for her (of Canada. Quebec, of the cirque du Soleil shows we went to see together...). So many things that belonged to mum and that were in mum's house before, are now at my brother's mother-in-law's place.

All because when it was time to pack everything away last year, I was not there. So out of convenience, they shipped evrything to  one address. Much to the surprise, or perhaps even disdain, of mum's siblings, especially her youngest sister. So two weeks ago she asked me yo go and see what else there is left, especially of mum's wardrobe. 

There aren't much clothes left. There were three bags of clothes that were collected, but becaese my auntie did not go pick them up (and my brother did not bother to ship them to her...), most of the clothes have been donated to charity. There are some that my sisterinlaw kept for herself. The best things, the branded and expensive things. 

What can I say? In my mind, if my sisterinlaw could use the clothes, especially the winter ones in Europe, why not? Am I to ask for them back so I can give them to my auntie? How embarrassing that would be, to ask for clothes that someone has been wearing for over a year and half.

So I went in the house of my brother's mother-in-law today, and I left with a porcelain cup and a pillow that turns into a down blanket for myself. The rest of the things, though there are many memories attached to them, I just cannot bear to go through and "raid"... How do you take away from someone tea cups and plates (even if they are Wedgwood...), cutlery and items of fufnitture that have de facto been owned by someone for almost two years? 

I went in embarrassed and came out embarrased. In the end, I identified two lovely duvets and pillows and asked for them to be shipped to my cousin (my auntie's daughter), thinking she could use them most. I'm not sure what my brother will say if he hears of this, or what his mother-in-law thinks of me. 

I'm just trying to give my auntie something to remember her sister with. It's not a pleasant task to go into someone's house and take things... And it's not just because it's hard to go through mum's belongings again and having to relive the memories and to hurt again. 

I tried to do the best I can.