30F

210214.0630

Seat 30F 

On board flight UA 849 from SJC-DEN, plane about to depart. I slept perhaps two and a  half hours yesterday, due to a sudden change in plans and a last minute search on my newly acquired pad (brother helped choose it for me, bless him...) for a place to stay tonight.

I was out the door around 5.30, and originally intended to walk to the airport, a distance  of a mile and a half, but with two big suitcase and two carry ons and a weakened and aching chest, and a heavy winter coat, would infitely feel much further. Luckily, and the first stroke of good luck since turning thirty (at least according to local time... I technically turned thirty yesterday, tpe time... But the changes in time zones and flying has confused me), there was a taxi parked right next to the gas station next to my motel. The man just happened to be there and taking a toilet break. He saved me the long walk and tiredness of having to haul my suitcase all the way to the airport. 

This is the flight I originally scheduled back in January, a part of the crazy itinerary from YUL-(exam).YYZ-DEN-LAX-(Hand in hand)-TPE---(Happy Music Time) NRT-(788)-SJC-DEN-YUL. The routing is so ridiculous (and source of raised eye brows, even from a checkin staff!) because of the Hello Kitty and B788 jets I wanted to take, and due to the availability of the sectors redeeming US Airways miles. Earlier this month, I actually bought a flight directly to Montreal for today, hoping to be at home with my cat on my birthday. But last night, just before bed, I cancelled that flight. On a whim, just like that.

Yes, I am extremely wishy washy and often things dont always go according to original plans (which is a source of frustration and joke to some...). But honestly, how can life not change? How can plans always be realised when everything, all factors, all moods and moments are changing all the time? Get stuck to plans and be unbudging or unyielding, and you suffer more. Change and adapt, be free like the blowing of the wind, and you are set free and freeer.

Another reason why I did not fly home directly today is because I don't wish to face any one today, especially today, and it's easier to be not home than to have to explain to people where I am or when I'm coming home and why I don't wish to see anyone on my birthday. It's tiring. Especially having to put on a happy face and be there completely caught offguard by surprises or anything that will make upset and feel embarrassed (even if they were wellmeaning). In particular, I am avoiding one person, as I just don't know how to face him any more and we have become so estranged, mainly because I have really reduced communication with him to spare myself any more hurt and unsolicited hopes and desires (something I should have done two, three years ago, just as everyone told me too). Besides, why worry or bother someone who made clear we are nothing more than "friends" now?  As far as most people know, i'm still in Taiwan. And I've not acccessed my phone or Facebook for the past few days. Out of sight, out of mind as they say.

I wish to keep a low profile, and to be incognito and not enter my third decade on a completely uncharted and unplanned note by going somewhere new and unfamiliar and by distancing myself from the people and places of the past. 

Here's to a new year, a new decade  (of my life), to real peace and joy, true love and many, many new wonderful adventures and beautiful encounters.