Flooding back, everything flooding back...
The way we were, the hurt and betrayal caused by me, the death of mum and that final goodbye, the agony of unrequited love and emotions and seeing a former lover be with another... Mum and dad's memories, their kindness, their warmth and touch never to relived or refelt mixed with the void of loss and loneliness. I'm crying and crying and nobody can hear me, it seems. Nobody can feel the pain or the hurt inside.
How have I become like this cynical and passive-aggressive psycho who lashes out and ruins social gatherings? How have I become the misunderstood one who is so strange and suddenly the social pariah, suddenly I have become so strange and unfun that people do not find me pleasant to be around with any more.
Dwelling. Am I dwelling in the pain and the grief? Am I drowning in my own sorrow? Am I pointing always to the grief and never at this horrid person I seem to have become according to some? Am I the crazy one in a world of sanity?
The void and misunderstanding is so hurtful, so very painful.
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