Unwell

Feel so terribly unwell and so tired today. And yet I've not even finished studying one of two exams due next week. The stress is again mounting, and I feel the urge to cancel one of them...

I was so unwell I had to take a nap, which lasted over an hour. In my nap, I dreamed of taking the exams. I dreamed of dropping out of the exam. 

Should I really? This time is the only time I could possibly do two exams, and I had plenty of time to study.... Yet I put other things first, and just never got around to my books. Up until two weeks ago, I was still helping this friend move and assemble his furniture, thinking there's still time. But there really isn't much time, is there? 

I don't know why I feel like a "failure" if I didn't do two exams. Is it because I'm backing down again from a challenge? Is it because this whole accreditation thing is taking far too long and I want to be done with it? I mean, I still have four exams to do before I can sit the bar... And all the meanwhile, at the back of my mind, I wonder: why am I doing this at all.? Why, if I don't want to practice law?

I feel so dizzy and fatigued... But must get up and study again. I just must.