The other day, after another teary session between my ex and I trying to unravel the sadness and disappointments that have gotten in between us, he said: "All I want is a smile..."
He does not know it, but come Friday (two days from now) I'm paying him a surprise visit in the hope of giving him that wish. Whatever he has done to me, whatever he is doing to me still, however I feel hurt and at times disappointed by his behaviour, he is still dear to me. Am I just a fool? Hurt and getting myself hurt again and again, and the other person seems so oblivious to it all? The most terrifying and perhaps heart-breaking thing to deal with, should it happen, is to encounter his partner there. That would just be a knife in my heart...
But I am going as a friend, a friend who cares and would like to be there to show support and how proud I am of a dear, dear friend about to achieve something remarkable and joyful. In little ways, I have been there to encourage him, support him to accomplish this important dream of becoming a fully-fledged lawyer, and this ceremony marks the results of this long and winding process (a process I myself am embarking on, albeit with much struggle and very little motivation nowadasys...). And part of the reason for me to make this visit is to see his parents again, for they have been ever so kind and caring toward me over the past years.
So I'll just go... an early flight in the morning, and a late return the same day. If worse comes to worse, I'll just turn around and leave. But at least I tried, and hopefull will succeed in bringing a smile to my ex's face, and in turn to my face too.
He does not know it, but come Friday (two days from now) I'm paying him a surprise visit in the hope of giving him that wish. Whatever he has done to me, whatever he is doing to me still, however I feel hurt and at times disappointed by his behaviour, he is still dear to me. Am I just a fool? Hurt and getting myself hurt again and again, and the other person seems so oblivious to it all? The most terrifying and perhaps heart-breaking thing to deal with, should it happen, is to encounter his partner there. That would just be a knife in my heart...
But I am going as a friend, a friend who cares and would like to be there to show support and how proud I am of a dear, dear friend about to achieve something remarkable and joyful. In little ways, I have been there to encourage him, support him to accomplish this important dream of becoming a fully-fledged lawyer, and this ceremony marks the results of this long and winding process (a process I myself am embarking on, albeit with much struggle and very little motivation nowadasys...). And part of the reason for me to make this visit is to see his parents again, for they have been ever so kind and caring toward me over the past years.
So I'll just go... an early flight in the morning, and a late return the same day. If worse comes to worse, I'll just turn around and leave. But at least I tried, and hopefull will succeed in bringing a smile to my ex's face, and in turn to my face too.
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