At the movies

To distract myself and to further procrastinate, I went to the movies late at night. Better than sitting at home and doing nothing, better than sitting there and letting my mind wander and drive myself crazy. Better to surround myself with strangers and life than sit there all alone and feel sorry for myself.

It was an empowering movie about Lincoln and his arduous struggle to bring the civil war to and the heinous phenomenon of slavery to an end.

The acting, with so many seasoned stars, was remarkable. But most of all, it was a portrayal (perhaps dramatized, perhaps hollywoodised...) of an epic turning point in history.

I was moved to tears, and in awe by the spirit and drive of a great man who believed in something so core to his being and who worked tirelessly day and night to make that dream a reality. This despite having to overcome the most painful loss of a child... His soft spoken nature, his way with words and his quiet determination were inspiring and moved me to tears...

I don't wish and never wished to achieve something great or leave a legacy behind, despite the original name my parents gave me (composed of the words "crown" and "great"...). But I do hope I can make a difference, quietly and without much fanfare, to the world of people around me.
But how do I do that when I often feel so weak and so unmotivated, when I have so little drive and so little to push myself? Truly, behind many a great men is someone to support and to console and comfort in the most difficult of times- be that in the form of parents or a partner. I do feel I need, now more than ever, people (or one special, special person) who can bring me joy and happiness, who can relate to me and my dreams and softly guide and encourage me as I try to pick myself up from the rubble of a streak of misfortunes and traumas.

I do believe I can be better again, I do long for that day when I can smile and really feel life is light and the world is so beautiful and has so much to live for... And Mr Lincoln's story was an inspiration, a moving message to my heart that life is so much bigger and greater than the petty problems and issues of a nobody approaching the third decade of his life.