You are the apple...

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I first watched this movie with mum when it premiered on tv over four months ago. A bitter sweet comedy with some dirty jokes and a dose of romanticism and reality.

I am watching it again now, or at least parts of it. It seemed like such a long time ago, sitting there on the sofa of mum's private hospital room. Mum was still relatively alright back then. She could still get up and out of bed on her own, even though her health was already steadily declining due to the fact she had not properly eaten for weeks at that point. I remember watching the movie, feeling a bit awkward when there were sexual references and scenes of masturbation, and I remember laughing at the funny bits, and turning to look at mum who also smiled quietly.

We watched the movie till the end together, which was a surprise, because the movie was over two hours long, and by the time it ended it was already past eleven. She turned to me when the movie ended and said: "This is how it was in those days..." By "those days" she meant the days of her youth, the days of her high school years when girls and boys beginning to discover one another, but are still too conservative to make moves. I remember thinking to myself how lovely it is for mum to have a look back at her youth...

I watch the movie by myself now, sitting in the living room all alone. Mum's portrait and dad's portrait are the only signs of company, for my brother already retreated into his room (which was mum's room...). Back then, just four months or so ago, I could reach over to touch mum whenever I wanted. And I believe I even massaged her arms and legs, as I did nightly before bedtime. Back then, she spoke to me when I spoke to her, even though her voice and lifeline was already weakening. Now when I speak to her, there is only a deadly silence...

This bitter sweet movie is bringing me bitter sweet memories...