04082012.2354
These days, I feel this heaviness in my heart, a heaviness that brings me close to tears. Someone I know wrote me an email and reminded me that it is still "VERY early days". This means the real mourning and pain is yet to set in. I realised today that it has only been a month and a week or so since mum passed away.
I watched a moving movie today, about an elderly woman and her final journey facing illness and death. It is moving especially because I saw and experienced that deterioration, that steady decline and move from a 'normal' functioning lady to one bound to a wheelchair and dependent on others. This is life...
Earlier I spoke to the priest who (claims he) can communicate with the deceased. I have not spoken to him since the funeral, which was almost a month ago. I asked him how mum was, and whether she said anything. And I told him about the dreams I had with mum in them.
"Your mum is worried about you..." he said, "She was especially worried that you went biking when the typhoon was approaching." I heard that and almost burst into tears. Whether you believe it or not (and I choose to believe), mum is still around and is still caring about me, looking after me like she always did. She is just not able to tell me so much in person, but she still looks out for me and worries about me.
"Don't be too sad and think of her too much," the priest told me, "The more you think of her, the less willing she will be to let go and leave this world. And she should move on." I know that. I know she should move on, and I also told her to move on. But I cannot control myself or my emotions. I cannot help it that many things I see or remember bring me such painful memories and bring me to the verge of crying...
How do I keep from crying? Maybe I should just cry...
These days, I feel this heaviness in my heart, a heaviness that brings me close to tears. Someone I know wrote me an email and reminded me that it is still "VERY early days". This means the real mourning and pain is yet to set in. I realised today that it has only been a month and a week or so since mum passed away.
I watched a moving movie today, about an elderly woman and her final journey facing illness and death. It is moving especially because I saw and experienced that deterioration, that steady decline and move from a 'normal' functioning lady to one bound to a wheelchair and dependent on others. This is life...
Earlier I spoke to the priest who (claims he) can communicate with the deceased. I have not spoken to him since the funeral, which was almost a month ago. I asked him how mum was, and whether she said anything. And I told him about the dreams I had with mum in them.
"Your mum is worried about you..." he said, "She was especially worried that you went biking when the typhoon was approaching." I heard that and almost burst into tears. Whether you believe it or not (and I choose to believe), mum is still around and is still caring about me, looking after me like she always did. She is just not able to tell me so much in person, but she still looks out for me and worries about me.
"Don't be too sad and think of her too much," the priest told me, "The more you think of her, the less willing she will be to let go and leave this world. And she should move on." I know that. I know she should move on, and I also told her to move on. But I cannot control myself or my emotions. I cannot help it that many things I see or remember bring me such painful memories and bring me to the verge of crying...
How do I keep from crying? Maybe I should just cry...
No comments:
Post a Comment