I never imagined it would be so painful going to see mum again. I started crying as soon as I saw her little shrine... The pictures of mum, one smiling on the train, the other of mum laughing because a cat climbed on her shoulder, made it more unbearable. The gilded maple leaf and the pink tulip are there with her, reminders of the Canada she so enjoyed visiting and the Netherlands she so loved living in.
I promised her i would be strong, and that I'd be happy and go be myself. But truly the loss of a parent cannot be easily consoled, the pain cannot be easily soothed. And the void inside cannot be so quickly filled. I promised mum I would not cry, that I would be strong and find myself again. But truly, my body and mind is so tired, so very tired, and therefore so very weak.
I wiped away my tears, knelt on the floor and bowed deeply. "Be well, mama, be happy..."
I will try and try to be the same.
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