Breakdown

I was talking on the phone with my ex. "I just hope she is not in too much pain..." he said.

"I hope so too... I hope so too..." I uttered.

"I wish I could give you  a big hug..." he said. And the tears just broke loose from my eyes. I had t cut short the conversation and just cry and whimper. I could not bear to speak to anyone. I had no words, and was so very tired, so hurting inside.

The whole evening I have been waiting for brother to call back, as he said he would. I called earlier in the evening to see how mum is doing. They were busy, as for the first time the hospice nurse and a doctor came around to check up on her. They are putting her in the queue for a bed at the hospice ward. They want to take her in for some IV drips. At the hospice ward...

I broke down, because I could not bear the thought of mum entering there. As I told my ex, "It is the first time she's going there. Maybe the only time..."

I cried for a while on my own while my cat nudged me and walked around my feet. It is her way of comforting me, I know it, I feel it.

Brother still has not called back, and I tried to call twice already but there was no response.

It will be a long night...