Fragile peace

I felt so drained, so empty inside in the morning after such an intense release energy and emotions and tears the night earlier. Everything, everything there is to know about me and my life I have let out...

I was afraid to go home, but I knew I had to, even though I dreaded, dreaded being alone.

After letting the pent up emotions go, you become numb... So numb. Numb. Just numb. For a few moments, it is as if there are no emotions, no feelings, nothing but emptiness. Is that a sort of peace? No, it is a fragile peace, a disturbing sort of peace. Fragile because it can easily shatter and break. I could easily shatter and break down. The past, mum's health, the loneliness I feel... all of it consuming me, swallowing me, haunting me. Can I stand up again? Can I mould despair into strength? Can I transform sadness and pain into inspiration?

  I know I am still breathing, I am still alive, but the world becomes a blur, the past becomes a fading shadow. And the present? I'm in the present walking around, talking like a lost soul searching for a home, a safe haven. But it seems I will be searching a long, long time....

 I can feel the rawness, feel how very sensitive and fragile I have become.

No more hiding, no more concealing dark, dark secrets of the past. I am exposed and very very vulnerable...