Lingering troubles

It's been a few days since I last spoke to mum, and I finally managed to reach her, despite the poor connection and having to call back many times because the call kept disconnecting (what do you expect being out in the woods of Peribonka?)

I sensed something was wrong, for mum was short in her response and kept on wanting to hang up quickly. Then she finally admitted two things on her mind...

First of all, her arm aches are returning again, and it feels now as if she never went through the radiotherapy. That distresses her, and really pulls me down, but there's little I can do about it but worry and wish she would not feel  so much pain. Imagine that pain, that constant source of discomfort an having to live with it every waking moment of the day (and night)... She's going to consult the neurosurgeon, but that could potential point to just one solution: life risking surgery that will take months of recovery...
I do not want to think of that now, and I am sure she no more than o don't want to...

Then, she detailed her latest argument on the phone with my brother just yesterday. She wanted to let him/ them know how she felt really marginalized and neglected while she was staying with them in Europe, but brother apparently struck back and said that it's all because mum is so difficult to please and serve. That caused her so much anger and sent her blood pressure soaring (that's how she described it).

How disappointed I was listening to this all, and even in the tranquility of the forest, I felt my mind and mood cloud over.

Even after a week or so of being at home, mum still cannot let go of how she felt she was treated, and brother seems to have so little thought for her, who really cannot, should not, for the sake of her health and not aggravating her illness, have any unnecessary stress or tension.

"Please, mum" i said, "Just live your life and take care of yourself. Please don't let the past linger..." I said what I could say, I showed her the care and love I could offer from this distance, and I need to make peace with that, however inadequate what i have said or done may feel like.