leaving town

It was an abrupt goodbye, but sometimes that is what is needed. A hug, rushed, a kiss, a whisper in the ear: "Take care..."

Though we were at the office, though I was rushing to proofread something I promised someone, we spent a good two hours talking. About him, about his confusions, about him been so torn and having such strong feelings toward the other boy. We talked, about where we are going, where we have come from, and what we mean to one another, if anything now after such a long time and becoming so deeply ingrained in one another's lives and thoughts....

I told him how much he means to me, what happiness he brought me, not just in our period together as a real couple, but from the day we first met, from that night we first connected deep into the night... Even if I'm hurting and struggling hard with heartbreak and pain to a degree Ive never before felt, he taught me I can love, and be loved in return

I wished him, perhaps for the first time, without any pain or regret, at least not at that moment when the words escaped my mouth, that he can one day find someone who will give him happiness, care and love more than i ever could. Because I'm not sure if i ever lived up to what is expected of a boyfriend, and i know i have at times disappointed him even as a friend.

He deserves to be happy, we all do. And if I cannot offer that to him any more, I hope someone else can do that, can give him butterflies, give him smiles when he wales up everyday and give him a reason to work, to dream and to live for another day, and so much more.

At one point he broke down and cried and cried. I wanted to hold him, comfort him but all I could offer was a cloth to wipe his snot and tears...

Then we kissed. It's been such a long time since we last kissed, and perhaps it would our last kiss. The passion was still there, the lips still felt so sort, the arousal so overwhelming and additive. His scent, his beautiful eyes, the stubble of his face, the touch of his soft fingers and strong arms. It felt like the first time we were intimate, like there was no one else and everything in the world just stopped, stopped like my heart beat. And there in the office, Wight the door locked, and our colleagues steps away, we had sex yet again, and it felt wrong; it felt so naughty, but oh it felt so relieving and so good.

A rushed goodbye, a quick kiss on the lips, and we parted ways. I'm headed out of town to escape, to get away, and he to the gym to distract himself and to find temporary peace and sanity.

We will meet again, I'm sure of that. Under what circumstances, under what mindset, I'm not sure. but meet again we shall, because after all the tears, talks, tensions, let downs, we are special to one another, we mean something to one another. He knows it, i know it.

Meet again we shall, and I look forward to that.