Turning point

Talks over the last few days, and events over the past two months have really shaken me up.
Maybe it's a wake up call. Maybe it is all meant to give me a slap in the face and tell me to start living more, for myself and not for others.

Sometimes you place your hopes and dreams and all your efforts to making someone happy and well, but in the end nothing turns out the way you wish for. It can be frustrating and dissatisfying, and leave you wondering at the end of the day what it is all for, what it was all about. 

You can only care so much about people around you, but you cannot make make them happy, you cannot change them and mould them to be the way you would like them to be. When you expect too much from others, when that expectation is not realised, and when there is disappointment, you end up hurting. Hurting, and crying, like I have done a lot in the past few days for a variety of reasons. 

It is not that I should be selfish and stop caring about people I love and care about in my life. I just need some distance, and take the space and time for myself, to take care of myself, to love myself more, and figure out what it is that I want in life.

 All the traveling around, all the little things I do to try to make people smile and feel touched; while they may be endearing, and while I may enjoy doing them, I should do more for myself to make myself smile and happy.

Most of all, I should be