For the second day in a row, I broke down in tears in front of mum. I could not control it... the whole day I have been miserable, been hearing the words said last night over and over again in my head, and been hurting. Many moments I was close to bursting out in tears, but I held back.
Until just now.
I don't think there was a time I felt this way, so utterly drained, so hurt, so cut deeply. I poured my heart out, told mum hold hurt I felt about our argument yesterday, told her about how I feel so rejected, especially when she says things like "It's your choice, as long as you're happy..."
Who else do I have now if I lost even my mother? The last month or so has been period of torments.... first an abrupt break up with my friend (and now with the awkward aftermath...), then dealing with the pains of mum's treatment and illness and spectre of death, and now this... Mum's inability to accept (at least for now...), and feeling guilty and responsible for causing mum hurt and disappointment, which in turn will affect her condition...
There is only so much a person can take. Have I reached that point? I wish I could just close my eyes and will everything, everyone away... I cry, and cry, and cry till there are no more tears.
And then there is calm.
No comments:
Post a Comment