Confusion

I'm confused. There's something not being said, and I don't want to be the one bringing it up. I've said what I needed to say, long ago, before I left to go home in May.

There has been no reply, no clarification, confirmation or rejection of our  status. I dont want to push him, but I need to know. What, or where, are we now? 

Just jerk-off buddies who have the hots for one another? Today, seeing him, spending a little time alone with him, there was a lot of sexual tension, unreleashed for over five weeks already. But there was also caressing, and little kisses (or maybe I was imagining it...). Granted on the cheeks, forehead and elsewhere but the lips.

I hesitated, pulled back a little, even though he was enjoying it a lot. I enjoyed it, the foreplay, stroking, touching, that I do not deny. But I was apprehensive about going further.

There was no time to go further anyways, no time to make soft love and climax. But am I ready to go that far again with him, when after all this time, all i could be is still someone on the side, an option for him to explore? 

I'd rather have nothing at all if that's the case. I'd feel cheap after all that we have gone through and since we broke up to just be a pleasurable sex buddy. The sex is intoxicating, drives my mind wild with ecstasy, but is it just that now, after all that we shared and had to break off abruptly because he was confused? 

Giving in to sexual temptation now would cheapen our romance, however short lived it was. it would wipe away all those beautiful moments of the two, three months we were together for real, and just confirm that perhaps it was all just sexual tension and infatuation, and nothing more than that. 
And I'd like to think it was not just  a  fantasy which seemed and felt so real and true and amazing, but was in fact empty.