Returning sores

Woke up in the morning to the sun in my face. Slept late last night as I was out with friends.

Mum was up a few moments after I started making fresh juices for breakfast. She looked tired, and something was bothering her I could feel it.

The soreness and numbness in her left arm has returned again, and it's causing her great discomfort. I originally wanted to go out and spend some time with friends, but had to cancel.

We walked around looking for a place where she can get a massage, for back home she would go to one at least once a week. It helps her a lot, and makes her feel relaxed and gets her blood circulation going, which is important. And it's been almost a month since her last one, so her body is (almost literally) aching for it... Luckily, we managed to find a masseur just a few steps from my house, and mum is doing her massage as I type.

As we walked around, we talked a bit. Again she was in one of those strange moods. It was more than just her body causing her discomfort, I knew. And eventually she admitted it. She does not feel at ease being here, much less than if she were in Europe, she said. She doesn't know where to go, and says everything is in French, and I suspect also she feels that I am "abandoning" her when I make plans to meet friends.

I was already distraught by her returning sores, but again to be told that she is feeling uncomfortable here makes me really lost as what I can do. I'm not sure what I can do to entertain her, and I try to make the most of my time with her, but also long to see my friends occasionally because it has been such a long time since I interacted with my peers. I mean I have already spent so many weeks almost constantly by her side, and today we're taking a four day trip away together, and yet she still feels abandoned. What can I do then...? Can I no do anything at all without feeling guilty that she is all cooped up at home and feeling isolated in a foreign land? I have shown her places to go, things to do, and yet she will rarely venture further than the local park if I am not by her side...

I cannot blame her if she feels there is a language barrier and feels foreign here, but am I supposed to spend even more time with her and put off plans with my own friends? But I feel myself getting moody and more and more impatient when I am constantly at her side and constantly accompanying her. How can anyone not when you are with any person for a long time, even if it is your own mother?

However idealistic I imagined it, I never did imagine that bringing mum here to Canada would cause so much unease in her life, and also in mine...