restless night

I went to sleep late, even though my eyes were already closing. Late, because I was reading and trying to stay up while waiting for a friend to call.

Eventually, close to midnight, I lay down, but had my phone by my side, just in case. I write to her, telling her not to hesitate to call at anytime, because I feel she needs someone at this moment....

Though I slept, the night was so restless, as I kept on waking up, afraid I had missed her call and slept through while she was hoping to speak to me. I dreamed... Of her, of how distraught and grief-stricken she looked, and in my dream I so wished I could just give her a long, warm embrace to comfort and console her... I think I ended up crying at one point.

Come morning, I woke up and checked my phone. She hadn't called, but she did briefly write me an email, in which she described the last few days. She hadn't slept properly for days, and feels so numb and exhausted... Crying, mourning, and having to bury her own mother after bathing her... Her naps are disturbed by images of her mother waking up....

I swallowed hard reading her email, swallowed down my tears, and could not fathom how very, very difficult ad painful a time she must be going through....

Just then mum woke up, and went into the kitchen. I followed her with my eyes, grateful that she is relatively well still, but at the same time reminded myself that one day I will sit in this apartment alone, and all I will see is a memory of mum walking into the kitchen...