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I woke up at various times during the night, at midnight, at three in the morning, and then six in the morning. I was woken up by dreams. Not terrible ones, but ones that seem to be telling, and that revolve around people in my life.

At six, I decided to get up and start the day, first with a period of meditation. I think I needed it, just before calling mum.

Her voice was 'normal' sounding as she recounted her day at the hospital. She waited over eight hours today to see the neurosurgeon, who was fully booked with appointments because he is going abroad for a conference soon. The latest whole body scan for tumour revealed that the situation is not as bad as we imagined (though, that does not mean it's good either...). The most critical place where the cancer is growing is indeed in section C-7 of the spinal column. The tumour  growing inside the column has taken over half of the space inside, and as a result pressing on the nerves, which causes the periodic numbness and pain in mum's left arm.

On the whole, the neurosurgeon recommends surgery, as it will (most likely) get rid of the tumour once and for all (if successful), and will prolong her life for at least some period of time. No surgery will mean eventual collapse of the spinal column, and definite paralysis-- a prospect that mum is very worried about. She will have to take another MRI scan soon to determine the risks of the surgery, and then it will be decision time. It will be a difficult decision, and I told her she should consider it and weigh the decision against everything... quality of life, length of life, and whether she really wants to go through the risks to live that much longer, even though "that much" is always going to be a mystery. Once again, in the face of death and life-changing illness, you are forced to confront life, and make the most of it...

Mum sounded reassured, and she did say that she was feeling somewhat lighter as she went home from the appointment. At least the good news is that the cancer has not spread all over the body and is at the moment localised. But the growth in the spinal column is a very sensitive area, and the risks, as well as time required for recovery, in the case of eventual surgery are great.

Mum sounded reassured, and to be honest that is the most important thing I care about at this point. Whatever she decides, whatever happens in the future, I will be there somehow to support her and show that I care.